Earlier this week I was stuffing my fears down with sleeves of Ritz crackers. Never effective, but I felt stuck in some sort of endless loop.
Then I talked to my best friend who shared that she has been having a rough “food week” as well and her sugar addiction was out of control. I seem to forget every single time that I’m bingeing that the sugar will cause me to crave more sugar. That endless loop that I feel stuck in is just the sugar. Once I free myself from that, I can usually see my fears and stresses more clearly and actually deal with them instead of stuffing them down my throat with junk foods.
We vowed to turn things around at that moment, to track all of our food intake, to go to the gym the following day, to cut out the refined sugars, and to check in with each other for support.
I started the day with some fresh mango, strawberries and raspberries with yogurt and granola. I planned a workout at the gym after clinicals. I rocked it at clinical and let my self-confidence soar instead of doubting myself. The day was AMAZING.
And it reminded me that when I take care of myself, I feel good, healthy, strong, and alive!
Here’s to another great day tomorrow.
Yvan and I had a conversation over the weekend about my struggles with binge eating. I’ve had a few good weeks where I’ve felt motivated and strong and been working with the tools I have to avoid bingeing, and deal appropriately with stress.
At one point, he asked me to start telling him if I feel like I need to binge. He told me that I’m usually most likely to tell him after I binged and by that point, there’s nothing that either of us can do.
He reminded me that he’s there for me to lean on when I need him – and if I feel like I want to binge, I can call him or reach out to him and he’s always there to help me figure out what’s REALLY going on.
What’s crazy is that of course I know he’s there rationally, but when I want to binge, I’m in such an emotional, irrational state that I feel week and vulnerable and might forget to use the tools that can get me out of that. Or maybe I’m embarassed that I’m feeling so weak and I don’t want to expose that vulnerability so I give into the compulsion.
But I’ve learned that I NEVER feel better after I binge. Maybe I feel slightly numb, but whatever was bothering me never goes away. It’s just combined with the feelings of fullness, exhaustion and guilt and shame for bingeing. I’ve learned over and over again that when I don’t ask for help, I fail. Not because I can’t do it on my own, but because I shouldn’t have to do it alone.